Life started over again at 31....

The summer of 2010 started out like any other summer. Ethan out of school. Drew going to daycare, me working at Compass Bank and Robb working at another bank. Then in June my life forever changed. In order to understand what led me to the change, I guess I need to go into a little detail about what my life was like. I had become someone that I did not recoginize in the mirror or even like very much. I had over the years turned to drinking to hide the real problem and pain that I was feeling inside. Every morning I woke up feeling horrible and swearing I will never drink again, then by the time I got off work the obsession was so great, I would end up buying more on the way home. Well something in me snapped on Monday June 21st. I had came home from work and started drinking (nothing new.) However on that particular day I went to bed (passed out) really early (like 7 pm). I woke up at 2 am completely in a fog. I (like many nights) had blacked out and did not remember the time leading up to me falling asleep. Robb was up and angry and was reminding me of things that transpired that evening. At that point, I felt comepletly helpless and alone. I was miserable and knew something had to change. I could not continue living the way that I had been living. My kids deserved better, I deserved better. Out of hope and hurting, I sat on the couch in my living room in the dark and cried. I was sick and tired of feeling so helpless. I got up, got in my car and drove myself to Banner hospital. I proceeded to cry in the parking lot, until I gathered enough nerve to walk into the ER and admit myself. Fast forward to today....After 22 days in an inpatient treatment center, my life today is far away from my life in June. On Sunday I celebrated 4 months of sobriety, freedom from all mind altering substances. I also moved out in August. For years I struggled with my relationship. I questioned my commitment, my love, my reasons for staying, and my happiness. I realized that I deserved to be happy, and found that I wasn't unhappy because I drank, but I was unhappy, therefore I drank. When that unhappiness was still there after I stopped drinking, I made the decision to move out. I had been saying for years that I was going to leave, but never did. In fact months before that night in June, I was searching for a place to move to, but never had the nerve to leave. I have had many ups and downs since this time, and would like to have a record of these things. I feel that although there have been trials, I have grown as a person, and life continues to get better. As for the kids, they are adjusting to the change. They are lucky because they have 2 parents that want the best for them, and Robb and I are very much BOTH a part of their life.