The tounge is mightier than the sword

I hate to admit it, but I have not been very nice. Everyone needs an outlet for their feelings. What I have realized the last couple days is that the outlet that I chose was the wrong one. Part of my dislike for myself was the way that I treated a particular person in my life. It was unfair and unkind. I blamed him for the angry, mad, mean person that I was. I resented the fact that he "allowed" me to treat him badly. Upon reflecting my behavior the last couple of days, months, and years, I now understand that he did not turn me into this monster. It was the way I dealt with situations. It was wrong and I hurt people along the way. Within the 12 steps, step 9 is to "make direct amends to such people" (that we have harmed). I have been dragging my feet on completing the 12 steps. I had not done the first 8 steps thorough enough to be ready to make my amends. I have heard many lectures on the proper way to make amends...it is not simply an "I'm sorry, let's move on"....It is viewed more as restitution..."I have harmed, hurt you in the following ways, what can I do to make it right?" I need the readiness to take consequences for my past and to take responsibility for the well being of others I have hurt through the years. Once I complete this uncomfortable task of righting my wrongs, I will be ready to move on. Take personal inventory and when I am wrong...promptly admit it. Do not sit and stew on behaviors and bad decisions, but correct the situation and attitude as soon as it occurs. In a perfect world, it would be before the problem occurs. While in treatment, I was asked to wear a rubber band on my wrist. This rubber band was to be snapped each and every time I had a bad thought, impulse, or was about to open my mouth and say things that I should not say, i.e. gossip, rumors, unkind words. What a great lesson this was for me! Besides the welts that I had on my wrist, I realized that I had a defect of character that needed correcting. That currently needs correcting. I am sure that there are people that deserve amends from me and deserve to be on my "step 9" that I may miss. I will try to be as thorough and as complete as possible for my peace and happiness depends on being rigorously honest. I have a lot of work to do and I am praying for peace in my heart for myself and others. I will consciencly try to live the "Golden Rule" in my dealings, especially those that I have been mean and nasty to in the past. I may never be forgivin for the pain I caused, all I can go is pray for forgiveness and understanding and clean my side of the street. The rest is up to HIM.